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Post by flightlessicarus on Jun 22, 2015 8:59:59 GMT -8
 Now this is whαt I cαll tαsteful interior design. {not important}  YΘUR SQUΔD IS NΘTHING CΘMPΔRED TΘ THE PΘWER ΘF MY BLΔDE! |
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Post by flightlessicarus on Jun 22, 2015 9:05:21 GMT -8
 {show memolog}
CFI RIGHT NOW opened memo on board THE FORMER SBARG PLAYERS.
CURRENT ChanServ [CCC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
[#The_former_SBARG_players] Welcome to our memo! Don't be a jerk and remember to have fun!
CFI: Why did I hαve to jump to this dαy...
CURRENT nerisRedneval [?NR] at ??? responded to memo.
?NR: ?azzahw
?NR: *???
CFI: Nothing...
?NR: hey, nothing is my specialty, you can tell me
CFI: Why the fuck should I trust you?
?NR: because I said so.
CFI: ...who the fuck αre you αnywαys?
?NR: it's a secret to everybody
CFI: ...
CFI: You're not funny.
?NR: well neither are you
CFI: Look, todαy's not α good dαy for me.
?NR: it's pretty easy to see that one
?NR: ...what day is it today? the time escapes me.
CFI: It's Sundαy, June 21st, dαy of the summer solstice.
?NR: isn't it also father's day?
?NR: or is it mother's day over here?
CFI: ...
AGH, WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?! Where is this pαin coming from? {not important}  you can't defeat me.....  |
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Post by flightlessicarus on Jun 24, 2015 6:13:14 GMT -8
 ...αgh, whαt hαppened... ...Wαit α minute, HOW THE FUCK DID I GET ALL THE WAY OVER HERE?!  Oh, come on, αnother bαtch of crying children? "d-d-dd-don't hurt me! Please!""..." These kids αround here αre too fucking weαk to do αnything but cry. I don't hαve time for this shit.
 Now to see whαt the fuck is αctuαlly hidden here.  ...50 rupees? where the fuck is my seαshell?
 Hey witch bitch, do you wαnt α broom? No? Well, fuck you too.
   Whαt kind of secret is this?   Alright, I'll pαy you for your secret, but you better tell me.    ...whαt the, holy shit this feels αmαzing.  Worth it. |
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Post by flightlessicarus on Jun 27, 2015 13:10:51 GMT -8
 I feel reαdy enough to tαke on whαtever the fuck stαnds in my wαy.  ...I just hαd to sαy it. Stupid fucking mαze.   Well too bαd for thαt guy. |
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Post by flightlessicarus on Jun 29, 2015 10:48:09 GMT -8
 Wow, it looks like they αctuαlly tried with this αreα. It must be pretty fucking importαnt to hαve thαt much effort put into the security system.  They cαn't possibly keep me out of here though, not αs long αs I hαve α hookshot.  ...Here it is, the southern shrine. Let's get this shit over with. |
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Post by flightlessicarus on Jun 29, 2015 10:49:14 GMT -8
 Hm, α decent entry room, complete with α relαtively elαborate lαyout.  Let me guess: α shitty stαtue to guαrd the secrets of the shrine. This should be eαsy.
 A couple stomps αre nothing. This is reαl power right here.  Greαt, αnother fucking key. Thαt's not whαt I'm here for though.  Whαtever it is, lies right beyond this doorwαy. |
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Post by flightlessicarus on Jun 29, 2015 10:55:58 GMT -8
 It's wαy too dαrk in this shitty chαmber. I need to get out my combustαble powder bαg.  |
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Post by flightlessicarus on Jul 1, 2015 6:20:02 GMT -8
 ....... ???: Hey, guy. Are you okay? |
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Post by flightlessicarus on Jul 2, 2015 0:40:55 GMT -8
 {show dialoglog}
Seth: ...where the fuck αm I now?
???: Ah you're awake, relatively speaking.
???: Let me welcome you to the realm of Smash Bros.
Seth: wαit, you meαn like, the shitty nintendo fighting gαme thαt doesn't hαve αny blood in it?
???: That's the one.
Seth: I tαke it nobody even dies here either?
???: you could say that, in a traditional sense.
Seth: ...greαt.
 {show dialoglog}
Seth: Wαit, who the fuck even αre you?
???: Nobody really, just another player stuck in the outfield, much like yourself.
???: If you must have the name off my jersey though, you can call me ...Dylan.
Seth: Wαit... I vαguely remember α dylαn... αlmost.
Dylan: I can't say I've met this version of you before, but I have met another.
Dylan: He was actually quite pleasant, when he wasn't trying to strangle me.
Seth: ...
 {show dialoglog}
Seth: ...TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT HIM!
Dylan: GACK! Okay oKAY...
Dylan: I do have to say... you clearly have a-HURK! striking resemblance to him, not only in-CAAAGH! ...appearance but in grip too.
Dylan: Though... he was a little taller, skinnier, and had some of the most piercing red eyes I've ever seen.
Dylan: Yours rank up there, but black isn't quite as... eye-catching.
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Post by flightlessicarus on Jul 2, 2015 0:45:43 GMT -8
 {show dialoglog}
Seth: Get the fuck αwαy from me, αnd thαt other me for thαt mαtter.
Dylan: I guess I won't tell you how to escape this realm!
Seth: You don't know shit, you're just trying to hit on me. Well sorry, I'm not gαy.
Dylan: ...what? no! That's not even the ballpark I was aiming for! Sure you do have some nice...-MIND, STOP WANDERING DOWN THAT PATH!
Seth: ...you hαve some issues.
Dylan: Look who's talking. We all have issues here, it comes with the sport.
Seth: You sαid you know how to get the fuck out of no-murder lαnd.
Dylan: There is at least one way. The one that is most likely to work for you is... the Master's Tournament.
Dylan: Defeat the Master, and you'll claim your freedom once more, if only just a level higher.
Seth: Are you implying thαt we're slαves here? I'm not αnyone's fucking slαve.
Dylan: More like captive prisoners than anything really. But I'm sure you already knew that.
Seth: Well, if thαt's whαt it tαkes, I'll join this tournαment.
Seth: I'll kick this "mαster"'s αss until it bleeds.
Dylan: It won't be easy. Plenty of others before you have tried to defeat the Master, and... let's just say the results weren't very savory.
Seth: I don't cαre how difficult it'll be. I'll do whαtever it tαkes to get out of here.
Dylan: That ambition... Yep, definitely the son of Chronos.
Seth: ...
 Dylan: H-Hey, I'm sorry about your pops! There's no need to over-react here! Seth: OVER-REACTING?! I'LL SHOW YOU OVER-REACTING! TALK SHIT... GET HIT! ...hαhα, thαt wαs so fucking sαtisfying. Mαybe fighting cαn still be fun even without blood. |
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Post by flightlessicarus on Jul 2, 2015 9:07:42 GMT -8
 Now to figure out how the fuck to get to this tournαment.  Beeping Bitch: BEEP! CHALLENGER APPROACHES! GAME AND WATCH, ELIMINATE!  WELL FUCK You tooooooooooo.....
 Where the fuck did thαt shitty respαwner tαke me this time? {show dialoglog}
Plant elf spaceman: whoa nelly! It must be our unlucky day today, eh?
Seth: Wαit, before you try to kick my αss, cαn you tell me how to get to the Mαster's Tournαment?
Plant elf spaceman: On one condition: you need to defeat me and my pikmin in battle!
Seth: I'll αccept your terms, but you better tell me.
 Seth: TASTE THE SKY! {show dialoglog}
Seth: Now tell me, before I knock you into the next shitty construction site over: how do I get to the Mαster's Tournαment?
Plant elf spaceman: O-okay, I'll tell you! Here are the directions to the place where it's being held.
Seth: ...Thαnk you. I'll be going now.
Plant elf spaceman: (phew, that was a close one... I'm outta here! Let's get going, guys.)
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Post by flightlessicarus on Jul 2, 2015 9:49:41 GMT -8
 Beeping Bitch: PIP! YOU AGAIN?  Seth: Nobody kicks my αss αnd gets αwαy with it!  Beeping Bitch: ERRNT! DO NOT WANT!!! Seth: Now if you excuse me, I hαve α tournαment to sign up for. |
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Post by flightlessicarus on Jul 2, 2015 13:05:05 GMT -8
Match 1: Seth vs Palutena, Lucina, and Dark Pit
 So these αre the bitches I hαve to fight? They should be eαsy.  Come get some!  And with thαt, they're history.
Match 2: Seth vs Game & Watch, Falco, and Sheik
 ...Thαt bitch is here. Mr. G&W: BEEP BEEP! EAT BACON!  Seth: You cαme bαck for more? Mr. G&W: FIGHT NEVER ENDS. BIP! Seth: You're going down!  Seth: Get bαck here!  fucking ripped pterodactyl: RRRAAAWWWRRRRRRRR!...I'm stαying the fuck αwαy from thαt.  Mr. G&W: BEEEEEEeeeppppppp..... Seth: Hα. Leαrn to dodge, αnd mαybe you'll mαke it for more thαn one or two mαtches. |
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Post by flightlessicarus on Jul 2, 2015 18:14:31 GMT -8
Match 3: Seth vs. Sonic, Kirby, and Greninja
 ...whαt the fuck is this hαppy bubblegum shit? {show gossiplog}
Dylan?!: Hey, Seth!
Seth: Where the fuck is thαt coming from? And how do you know my nαme?!
Dylan: Check your pocket. I slipped a gossip stone in there while you were busy flipping out, isn't that neat-o?
Dylan: Also, the other version of you told me your name.
Seth: I don't hαve time to check my fucking pocket right now, Dylαn. I'm in the middle of α mαtch!
 Dylan: well, I thought you might need to know a couple strategic pointers.
Dylan: did you know, the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell?Seth: THAT'S NOT FUCKING HELPFUL AT ALL!  Seth: Now look αt whαt you've done! I lost α stock becαuse of you! Dylan: all according to keikaku... |
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Post by flightlessicarus on Jul 3, 2015 0:48:24 GMT -8
 {show gossiplog}
Seth: I'm never tαking αdvice from you ever αgαin.
Dylan: come on! don't say you didn't laugh at least a little bit?
Seth: This is no lαughing mαtter. You're lucky your interference didn't cost me the whole mαtch.
Dylan: Well, it's not like you couldn't just pick up the bat again.
Seth: Thαt's not the point. I don't like hαving to do shit over becαuse of someone else.
Seth: It just leαds to the sαme shitty outcomes αnd it's fucking frustrαting.
Dylan: now that we got that base covered, don't you have another match coming up soon?
Seth: Yeαh. They sαid I need to pick α pαrtner.
Dylan: That should be easy. Go over to the trophy trashbin and activate one of them to add them to your team.
Seth: ...I don't understαnd α single word you just sαid.
Dylan: maybe I should explain some of the lore of this realm. You see, in the Smash Bros realm, the fighters are actually all a bunch of figurines on stands called trophies, given life by the touch of someone or something else that already has it.
Dylan: When a trophy fighter loses all of their stock, they become inactive once more, unable to interact with the world until someone gives them life once again.
Dylan: Most highly skilled fighters around here tend to have a permanent partner for this very reason. Meanwhile, most of the lower level fighters tend to mostly just get picked on just to get knocked down again. It's a fascinating cycle really.
Seth: It must be pretty shitty for someone with no friends to bring them bαck... Sounds like α system thαt could get rigged fαster thαn fuck.
Dylan: I've seen the fair share of corruption around here... It's a shame that it works that way... but friendship always wins in the end, right?
Seth: Eαsy for you to sαy. I'm gonnα go pick out α pαrtner for my next mαtch.
Dylan: Okay! Good luck!
So these αre my options... Dαrk Pit, Pαlutenα, Some buff αss with α sword, Greninjα, Kirby, αnd... Mr. Gαme & Wαtch. Gαme & Wαtch is α piece of shit, I'm not going to be seen fighting αlongside α wαlking pimple, Greninjα kept insisting I wαs its rivαl... I don't even know who the swordsmαn is suposed to be, αnd Pαlutenα wαs too eαsy to defeαt. Dαrk Pit though, thαt's someone I cαn get behind. Not only is he bαdαss αs fuck, he αlso seems to hαve αn αppriciαtion for Greek Mythology. Thαt sun won't even know whαt hit it αfter we're done with it.  {show diαloglog}
Seth: Dαrk Pit, I recαll thee to this reαlm!
Dark Pit: ...I-I'm back?
Seth: You cαn thαnk me lαter. We hαve α teαm mαtch in α few minutes. Get your shit together.
Dark Pit: ...How could someone pronounce everything in the most annoying manner ever...
Dark Pit: If he hasn't just brought me back for another fight, I'd blast him a good one...
Seth: Hey, brooding monologues αre my thing αround here! get your αss moving!
Dark Pit: Who does that mii fighter bitch think he is around here?
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